the Rage

5 11 2010

Our double-edged sword…
The root of our confidence…
The origin of our demise.

It exists because we renounce ourselves….
We reflect and despise something within –
Something we cannot face nor accept…
And thus we lash out…

Family.
Friends.
Loved ones.
Ourselves…
No one is safe when we cannot face
Our inner demons.

Left unattended it consumes
All within reach…

The fault it finds is not proof
To nurture our Rage…

No.

The proof it finds is that our Rage is
Justified.

Herein lies the danger…

For a fire that can find reason for its’ existence
Is a fire that shall
Consume us all.

To overcome…
We must be preventative…
To do so…
We must learn to be humble.

The sword that cuts both ways
Will destroy…
But also just as easily create
Opportunity for growth.

And though our faults can lead to our downfall…
They can also be the source from which we are able to
Become better

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Karma

5 11 2010

Is Karma transferable?

Can the good or bad of one transfer to those around them?

This question is haunting…

de Beauvoirian intersubjective morality…

If energy cannot be transferred nor destroyed…

…Then karma unredeemed is prone to change forms.

My life and wavering morality must have some blame in this…

Smoker of 18 years…

Yet it is a 26 year old non-smoker that gets throat cancer.

Is this the woe you wish to bestow on me?

My heart found contentment…

…Found an enduring partner…

And you wrench it away with a lump…

Is this my reminder to proceed with the plan?

Cruel as always I see that only more woe can befall me otherwise.

You have your wish…

…You know what I need…





the first step

21 10 2009

how does one restart a task
so long been neglected?

the mind is no longer sharp…
the foresight now clouded.

is this path the same?
or is this just a desire for that to be so.

time has changed the heart…
pain has reshaped it.

yet the compassion is still there…
it still reaches out…

what it seeks is not another…
what it seeks is fulfillment.

this has always been the goal…
but fulfillment has never been attained.

it is not the heart that needs this…
it is the mind…
the soul within the shell yearns…
…for completion…

the task at hand has not changed…
it is the shell that has forgotten.

hope lies within.
it is this light guiding the way now.

apathy and nihilism have vacated
from the light of faith and optimism.

there is no longer any Time…
the node is now before me.

to find my Way
i had to first lose it.

now re-discovered…
the pain endured during exile
has provided the will required
to continue on my Way.

dismissed and taken advantage of…
Time is no longer an ally.
this first step forward
must be a step away…

away from doubt…
away from apathy…
away from complacency…
away…

this shell is no longer suitable
for the long lonely journey forward.

the Time for change is now at hand





home

21 10 2009

All the time I’ve spent building my career, I had forgotten who I was.

I had forgotten why I had left my home to travel the world…

I had forgotten my goal in life.

This sudden realization of the lacking within me hit me while eating alone at a fast food restaurant.

The 2 cute boys with their mothers against the backdrop of the overly populated city made me realize how many layers of trivialities I had built around myself.

Who am I?

I’ve always know this…

But the effortless Way is a Way that requires money.

And so I had abandoned myself in pursuit of this.

Now that sufficiently satiated…

I have returned home…

To myself.

My welcoming was filled with sadness rather than joy –

For returning home has reminded me of why I am still alone…

This path I chose is one I must tread alone.

And tho I surround myself with kindred souls and potential soulmates…

The truth is…none of them can walk with me all the Way.

I do hope you take it upon yourself to bless me with the wholeness that Love gives…

But I know your Fate for me is a selfless one in which my happiness must be sacrificed…

For the Happiness of the Whole.

I am back my guardians…my sisters…my tormentors…

I have returned back onto the path you chose for me…

I only hope you are much kinder this time around my Fates